oh you know what, fuck it all

shit
got back from the cas and the socalled young persons club. ended up with nothing but my brothers. one of whom said i was too despertae and the other said i was slutty!!!
fuck it all. i wanted to look nice,. for gods awesome sake i wanted someone to chat me up, but not to be. guess the diet hasnt worked even though i wore my hold-me-in knickers. whichc still didnt work and i looked like i was about to birth triplets.
i have beenworking out and have lost some kilos but doesnt fuckin look like it.
do you realise how fucking close to topping myself i am? i suppose not since no one reads this shit,'ive got nothing left. if he doesnt want me, i have nothing.
my children are far better havig a nice memory of me than having the actual experience,.'
if its not happening shortly, expect a last entry


i am nothing

forgotten

fat

unwanted.
i am nothing,
for you
my god
nothing for anyone
my god nothing for anything

i am nothing
forever and
im nothing
forever more,
youll know when i say it
forevermore
i was nothing
my god i was nothing


bless.... my... soul....
i.... love....you...so...
my..... one,
my....only.......love


i am,
nothing
forevermore
forgotten

will be nothing you crave
nothing anyone
desires

i am
nothing anymore,
anything, anyone my god
i am nothing, forever more
my lord, nothing

until.... you save me......

nothing.....